Category: self love

Everyone’s so timid and afraid to insult anybody, but in the end, it’s like we’re all trying to please everyone. In the end, we please no one.-Olivia Munn

 

I know some of you read that headline and thought, “Well that’s selfish.” What do you mean stop trying to please everyone? Work on making yourself happy? That’s ridiculous! I also can bet that you are one of the people pleasers. You see, we’ve all been brainwashed to think we have to make everyone else happy first, and then we can think about our own happiness.

When someone feels they are only doing things to please someone else, it never works. Think about it. How did you feel the last time you did something you really didn’t want to do? Did you feel resentment? Did you feel pissed off? I’m telling you the other person could also feel that, and no one won in the end. I’m telling you, all the people who get pissed off at you for not meeting their demands, the one’s calling you selfish. They are the ones who will lead a penguin into the desert because they know what’s best for the penguin, like in the photo above. Meanwhile, the penguin is melting. What do you think Eskimo pops are made from anyway?

No one knows you like yourself. Your intuition is there to guide you. You don’t need a guru, a crystal, healing, a partner, a pumpkin spice latte, or an infomercial to give you the answers. You have them already. And the key to knowing when you are on the right path is when you work on making yourself happy. Think about the times you have been the happiest. You are happy when your soul is giving you the message that everything is in alignment and you are doing the thing you are meant to do. Listen to that.

How To Stop Trying To Please Everyone

Get Approval From Yourself

We started out trying to please everyone because we all crave approval. Approval makes us feel loved. When we don’t have self-approval, we tend to seek it from others. But, if we get approval from others at the expense of ourselves, we will approve of ourselves even less because we are going against who we are. So, we wind up feeling even more horrible inside. So, then we start caring even more about what others think of us because we have even less approval for ourselves.

Start talking nicer to yourself. Would you tell your friends the things you let your mind tell you about yourself?Would you tell your friend, “You would look so much better if you lost ten pounds. You talk way too much. You say stupid things.” No, you wouldn’t say these things to your friends. You would be such an asshole. Then, why do you talk this way to yourself?

Figure Out Who You Are And What You Want

If you’re trying to please everyone, then you’re not going to make anything that is honestly yours, I don’t think, in the long run.-Viggo Mortensen

 

Another reason we often try to please others is we’ve never really taken the time to figure out who we are deep inside. We really don’t know what we want, so it becomes easy to let others tell us what to do. We became a lawyer because our dad expected that of us. We got married and had kids because everyone else was doing it. Think about how when you were a kid. You just got lost in the things you were doing, and you didn’t care what anyone else thought. You knew when you grew up, you were going to be a Godzilla ballerina. Nothing could stop you. But, when we grow up, we let what others may think stop us from the things we really want to do. When you take the time to know yourself and what you really want, that passion will envelop you, and you won’t be so easily persuaded to let others dictate your life for you.

Don’t Take Things Personally

We also tend to take things personally. If someone says something rude to us or looks at us the wrong way, we automatically think it’s all about us. I’m here to tell you it’s not. Most of the time, people are stuck in their own heads. They are thinking about the bad day they are having or other issues in their life. They make take it out on you because you happened to be there. Now, it’s true some people may just genuinely not like you, but I’m sure you have people who you don’t really like either. Hey, it happens. Not everyone has to like you. Wouldn’t you rather be surrounded by those who you can talk to for hours, laugh with, who you don’t have to put on a performance for?

Then, why are you putting so much energy out there trying to win favor from those who will never really understand you anyway? I am sure you have people in your life who have a great opinion of you. Others have a bad opinion of you. How can you be both? They are just bringing their shit and their expectations into their interactions with you. I had a situation just this week where I ran into someone who said an acquaintance of mine had raved about me and told her how much she loved me. Yet, I ran into another person who said this same acquaintance had told her what a terrible person was! How can they both be true?

Here’s a thought for you: Maybe what you are isn’t what people think of you!  Just be who you are, work on making yourself happy, and then watch in amazement at what will happen. You will start attracting like-minded people into your life, and the feeling of being surrounded by a tribe gives more fulfillment than knowing you are pleasing everyone in your life ever will.

Know That Most People Don’t Have It In Them To Easily Approve Of Other People

Most people struggle to love themselves for who they are. They focus on their faults and never feel good enough. So, if they find things in you they don’t like, they can feel a little bit better about themselves. It’s sad, but we’ve all done it. I believe this is a pattern that we can all change. What if the next time you find yourself judging or criticizing someone, you switch to thinking of all the things you love about them? Let’s change the energy. Let’s stop gossiping about other people and all their faults. When was the last time you heard a group of people talking about all the positive qualities of someone? Crickets….

…You be the one. The next time a group of people are badmouthing someone else, why don’t you interrupt and start talking about all their positive qualities? Let’s build each other up and stop tearing one another down.

Realize You’re Going To Have Haters (Especially If You Follow My Advice)

It’s very likely once you start working on making yourself happy, that this is when everything is going to go tits up. Yep, it’s very easy to stay in the status quo and do what everyone else is doing. Look at all the people trying to please everyone! You say, “fuck that shit!”, and you are going to have haters. People are going to be envious. People want to be as happy as you are. But are they going to come kneel at your feet and ask you how you got to be that happy? Are they going to ask you for your sweet secrets to wisdom? No, they’d rather freeze their ass off, climb a mountain, and ask an emaciated man in the sky for that wisdom. (By the way, can you tell me with all the millions of people who study enlightenment why no one’s every got there yet?)

No, these people aren’t going to ask you your secret. They will tell you that you are horrible. That you don’t know anything. What gives you the right to go around all happy-like and smiling all the time anyway. They will criticize you, your mother, and your dog just to feel better about themselves. Why? You’ve just reminded them that they aren’t living in an authentic way. They are trapped in the world’s cage, and they don’t know how to get out.. It takes a very humble person that will come to you for advice. And, I’m telling you the best advice you can give them is to follow their own path because absolutely no one knows what is best for another.

Learn How To Say No And Realize That No Is A Complete Sentence

When you stop trying to please everyone, you are going to be saying the word no a lot more often. This is when things really go tits up. People won’t be used to this. They are used to you doing things even when you don’t want to. You will be tempted to give explanations. Realize that no is a complete sentence, and you don’t owe anyone an explanation. You will notice that you often have to say no to the people you felt the most approval from. Approval is addicting, and we will find ourselves doing endless favors for those who give it to us. But, you can’t eat approval for dinner. Approval doesn’t pay the bills.

Flatterers tend to be very good at making us feel good about ourselves and asking us for “favors” in the same sentence. “You are such a good cook. Will you give a dinner party for me and my nine friends?” Yes, some “friends” will fall away, but did you really need that kind of friend? No. (No explanation needed.) This will free up your time to help the people in your life that you really want to help instead of those who are constantly filling your time with their endless requests. Honor yourself and your desires, and everyone will be happier in the end.

Be Open

When you stop trying to please others, you share more of yourself with others. You won’t care what they think, and you never know when sharing something about yourself will help someone else and what they are going through. Yes, you are allowing yourself to be vulnerable, but this vulnerability greats more authentic connection with others instead of superficial interactions.

Do you want more help learning how not to be a people pleaser?

Do you want help learning about what can help you to be happy in life?

I can help!

Jump on Skype with me. I offer Skype coaching sessions to help you with creating and loving your life. 

Email me at [email protected].

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Even the most positive person gets in a funk now and then. There are all times we feel sad or depressed, unmotivated, or just tired of life. When you are in a funk, it seems like it will never end, but there are ways to pull yourself out of it. Here’s my advice.

How To Get Out Of A Funk

1. Don’t Believe Your Thoughts

Have you noticed when you are in a funk, your mind starts acting like a two-year old who is having a tantrum? This two-year old will convince you that nothing is ever going to be OK again. The inner two-year old will keep feeding you thoughts that feed into other thoughts about how nothing is OK with your life. Don’t listen to your thoughts when you are in a funk. Your thoughts are coming from a place in your mind that will just lead you deeper into the funk. Just like with a two-year old having a tantrum, you can’t rationalize with these thoughts. Instead, go deeper. Go into how you are feeling in your body.

2. Give Your Inner Child Some Comfort

It’s easier to get into a funk when we get tired and stressed. So give yourself comfort. Let your inner child out to play. Get more sleep. Watch funny movies or videos. Laugh more. Run through a field of flowers. Finger paint. Sing. Eat ice cream or chocolate. Do something that will bring you more fun in life.

3. Do Something Kind For Someone Else

It’s easy to become obsessed with our own world and how things aren’t going right. There are plenty of people in the world who have things worse than you do. Volunteer or spend time helping someone who needs you. When you help others, it takes your mind off of your own problems. It also gives you a purpose for being in this world. If you are wanting to know how to get out of a funk, this is one of the best ways to realize that you are needed in this world and have a purpose for being here.

4. Get Back In Your Body

It’s so easy to get caught in your thoughts and forget you have a body. I swear, I think many of us just live life from the neck up most of the time. We are a bunch of heads walking around. Put yourself back in your body, so you aren’t so caught up in your mind. Dance, do yoga, swim, or do anything else that gets your body moving. The endorphins you release while moving will also make you feel better.

5. Talk To Someone

We can process our problems better if we talk to someone else about what we are feeling. It’s great to hear someone else’s perspective. In today’s world, we get so used to feeling connected by scrolling through our Facebook feed, that we often forget this isn’t true connection. Make time for face to face interactions with people, time in which you aren’t checking your phone, time in which you open yourself to real conversation about the things that really matter.

6. Let Yourself Cry Or Feel Angry. Give Into The Tantrum.

Often, we are in a funk because emotions are stuck inside of us. Let yourself feel your feelings fully, so they can move on. You will be amazed at how much better you feel after a good cry or after having a good, angry tantrum. We are so quick to label our emotions as bad, that we don’t fully feel them. Let yourself feel, so the emotions can move through you.

Do you want to know more about how to get out of a funk? 

Do you want someone to talk to? 

I can help!

Jump on Skype with me. I offer Skype coaching sessions to help you with creating and loving your life. 

Email me at [email protected].

If you liked this article, How To Get Out Of A Funk, then please follow me on Twitter and Facebook.

“We can’t hate ourselves into a version of ourselves we can love.” ~Lori Deschene

“You’re doing it wrong!”. Four of the most deflating words in the English language. Has anyone who has said these words to you ever made you want to do things “right?”

And yet a quick look at the internet will tell us we are doing everything wrong from the way we wear our sunscreen to even the way we poop.

I used to be a self-improvement addict. I would work on one issue that I thought was wrong with me, and then move on to the next one. I was every motivational author’s, seminar speaker’s, healer’s dream.

All of this because I thought I was doing it wrong.

One day I got tired of it. I got tired of judging myself. Of never feeling enough. Of the never-ending list of ways I could get it right.

And, I just decided to be me. I decided to get over doing it right, and just see what happened. That’s when I let love in. Love for myself exactly as I was. That’s when I started feeling an overwhelming joy for life and all that it is like I had never felt before. That’s when the heart-to-heart connection with others that I thought I had to be perfect for started showing up in my life. Turns out, I didn’t need to be perfect. I just needed to be accepting.

Don’t Let Anyone Tell You You’re Doing It Wrong

You see, no one gets to be you. No one can be you. So, their opinions on how you should do things don’t apply to you. Even your own opinions don’t matter. The mind likes to make us feel like we must be screwing up. It is constantly chasing after more, and never content with what it has in the moment. The mind resists what is and has a very hard time just being present.

You are you for a reason, and you make the decisions that your soul is guiding you to take. You have come here to experience certain things. But the mind likes to judge: bad, wrong, not good enough. Be what you are. And stop judging yourself for it.

Let others be what they are. Love them for it.

I don’t go to workshops anymore. I don’t read those books that make me feel like less of a person because I’m not doing it right. I’ve decided just to experience the moment and see where it takes me. I’m having a lot more fun. A lot more love for everything is flowing through my life. Because I see that everything is exactly what it is. It just is.

Yes, I still like to drink my green juice, or meditate when I feel like my mind needs centering. I still look deeply at the wounds inside myself and work on healing them just like I do a paper cut. But, I don’t do any of these things because I feel like I’m somehow not enough. I do them for the same reason I sometimes like to drink pink champagne for breakfast. Because they bring my life more joy.

Instead of judging myself for having the “wrong” thoughts like I did after reading, The Secret, I don’t have to think about them. I’m having better thoughts automatically because I’m not trying to control how things should be. I’m just letting my thoughts appear as they are. I’m letting myself appear as I am. (All that money I was trying to manifest? I found out I had it all along, once I stopped spending it on all the self-help seminar/webinar/workshops!)

No more seminars. No more workshops. Just love for what is. Gratitude that everything is exactly as it should be. Even when it makes me itch.

That’s what I want to give myself. And that’s what I want to give the world. I am enough. This moment is everything. And so are you.

Wanna Skype? Contact me at  [email protected], and let’s chat. 

What’s it all for anyway? You are tired of the struggle. Just as soon as you get your life to where it doesn’t suck, something else happens to turn your life upside down. Or maybe, you are content in your life. But, that’s it. You are just content. Going through the motions. But you aren’t loving your life.

Did you know that you are meant to love your life?  You are here to experience unlimited joy, freedom, and bliss. Before you do the eye roll (because you are scared), let me tell you it’s true. It really is possible for you be loving your life right now. Every second (almost) of it!

10 Reasons You Aren’t Loving Your Life Right Now

1. You Are Playing The Pretend Game

We actually hate being the ones responsible for our own lives. We want to make it someone else’s fault. So, we pretend we don’t know what to do next. We give our power away. We act like we don’t know what the next step is that we need to take, and then we ask everyone else for advice. When we pretend we don’t know what to do, we deny our own soul. So, it’s time for you to stop pretending. Get deep. Get back in touch with your intuition and listen to what your soul is begging you to do. You won’t be happy until you do.

2. You Are Your Own Rerun Show

“Sometimes people let the same problem make them miserable for years when they could just say, So what. That’s one of my favorite things to say. So what.”― Andy Warhol, The Philosophy of Andy Warhol

Have you ever stopped to realize there seems to be a theme to your life? You keep repeating the same patterns over and over. If you have a hard time looking at yourself, look at your friends first. Ever notice that the thing they keep asking for advice about is the same thing over and over? Now look at you. Could you be doing the same thing?

Maybe you keep getting rejected over and over, or anger keeps showing up, or people keep pointing out the same issues to you over and over. Ever notice that the same thing keeps happening in all of your relationships? Ever notice that the common denominator in all of these stories is you? Your soul has come here to learn certain things and you have attracted the people and scenarios to help you learn them. And, these same scenarios will keep happening until you do. Tired yet? Take an honest look, and see what life might be asking you to learn.

3. You Haven’t Learned That You Don’t Know Shit

Oh, we like to pretend we are the all-knowing guru who has all our shit together. We are right and everyone else is wrong. If only everyone else would do it our way. How is that working out for you? If what you have been doing hasn’t been working, could you be open to knowing that there is a different way? People come into our lives to teach us things. How about keeping your mouth shut for a minute and listening to what they came to teach you.

4. You Are Bullshitting Everybody

We are afraid to be completely honest with one another. We are afraid that if someone knows our deepest fears or insecurities that they won’t like us anymore, or worse, that they will use them against us. And, so we hide. And, then we feel like no one understands us. When you don’t reveal your true self, then you aren’t being understood anyway. No, not everyone will appreciate your honest self. But, wouldn’t you rather surround yourself with a few people who love and appreciate your real self, then surround yourself by a lot of others who don’t even know who you truly are. Start by being 100 percent honest, and taking no less than that from others.

5. You Are An (Out Of) Control Freak

When you live life like it’s a script that everyone should follow, you don’t give life a chance to show up and surprise you. Have you noticed that the best parts of life are the parts that you didn’t plan out? They just happened. Without your input. That’s where the magic is! Often, people try to control things because they have great fear. Let your fears go. You really aren’t in control anyway. Let yourself be the observer for a minute. Let others choose to show up how they want to show up. Live life with your hands open instead of living it with a clenched fist. Don’t even try to control your own life. Live in the flow and let life lead the way. Let yourself draw good things towards you instead of going out and hunting it down. You will have a lot more fun, and you will be more relaxed when good things come your way.

6. You Have Too Many Lame-Ass Excuses

You have created an excuse for everything. You have excuses as to why your life is stuck on repeat, as to why it’s everyone else’s fault, as to why you aren’t creating the life you want. As to why you are procrastinating. As to why you’ve have it harder than anyone else. You done yet? What if you stopped lying to yourself and started taking responsibility for your own life. Don’t you deserve to have a life you love?

7. You Didn’t Just Fall In A Rut-You Furnished It

It’s easy to get stuck in a rut. We fear change, so we let things stay the same. Do something different, even if it’s small. Listen to music you wouldn’t normally listen to. Just for a day. Try a new restaurant. Talk to someone who you normally wouldn’t even say hello to. Then expand bigger. Travel to a new country. Move to a new country. Quit your job. Move out of your house. Go live on a boat. Break free. Get new edges for the you, you have so carefully designed. Hell, get a new center for that matter. If you aren’t loving your life, there’s a reason. Fix it.

8. You Don’t Love Yourself

Learning to love yourself is hard. We judge ourselves harshly. We aren’t patient with ourselves. Hell. Most of the time, we don’t even trust ourselves. Take time to connect with your soul. When you connect with your soul, you will see and feel the glorious being that you are. Are you going to screw up in life? Oh, yeah. But that’s just you experiencing what you came here to learn. Dump self-esteem and invite in self-belief which means accepting yourself exactly as you are right now. Fall in love with the true being that you are and give that being the same extreme care and patience that you would give a lover whose total being you see, deeply accept, and love.

9. You’ve Forgotten Your Vagina Is 8 Miles Wide (Yes, Even The Men)

How long have you been playing small to be accepted? You have an enormous gift to offer this world. You are a vigantic shining light, and the world needs you. ALL of you. So stop hiding who you are. The world will thank you. And those who don’t. They can suck it. (thanks, Storm!)

10. Ack, Growing Pains!

Ok, do you think you are gonna love your life like every single second? Probably not? Because sometimes, you have to grow. And, you aren’t gonna always love those moments. They aren’t usually comfortable. But, if you can keep that in mind, you can even love those moments for what they are.

Do you want to be loving your life right now? 

I can help!

Jump on Skype with me. I offer Skype coaching sessions to help you with creating and loving your life. 

Take that first step with me HERE.

Want more tips from me?

Myrtle by Carrie Hilgert

It’s an easy thing to do. You blame others for all the ways your life isn’t working. You use the same excuses over and over again. Your bad childhood. You say that others made you into a victim. You think you’ve had a hard life.

Or, you can start changing that story. See, your beliefs are the key as to why things happen to you over and over. You keep saying it. That people always take advantage of you. They aren’t kind to you. But, the only thing that the world can do is mirror back to you what you believe.

You’ve got to start by realizing that you deserve everything good. That you are worthy of being treated better. Start realizing that you really can change what happens to you by believing in a new story.

When you take personal responsibility for your life, and stop blaming other people, The Secret, your guru, or your horoscope for what happens to you, you will see that you have the ability to change your entire life, right now! Take a moment and think about what’s stopping you from creating the life you want to create.

OK, are you done with the excuses? Yes, there will be challenges and obstacles along the way, but most of what’s stopping you is in your head. These things are called fears, and it’s up to you to overcome them. No one is going to do it for you. Nothing is going to change the things that have already happened to you. In fact, it’s up to you to use the things that happened to you in the past for what they taught you. Use those difficulties to your advantage. Use the patterns of the things that keep happening to you to your advantage. Let them show you where you need to change your thinking or your behaviors. Let them see where you need to own your shit.

What Happens When You Own Your Shit

When you own your shit, you start getting to know who you really are. When you come to know your shadow side as well as your sparkly light-filled side, you become powerful. You become honest with where you are holding yourself back. When we don’t start by being brutally honest with ourselves, we become our own roadblock. When you start asking yourself hard questions and start loving all of yourself, including those dark shadowy places, that’s when the real you can emerge. You will start to have a more authentic relationship with yourself and with others, too.

So, it’s time to get real honest. Get real honest about what’s not working. Then start working on that.

And, while you’re learning how to own your shit, don’t forget to take responsibility for the good things happening in your life, too. You cause millions of things to go right in your world every day. You are pretty awesome, and it is only by recognizing the wonders that you do that you will be able to take an honest look at where you can do better. Yeah, we all screw up. And that’s OK. It doesn’t make you any less lovable or awesome. Start owning your shit, the good and the bad. Because once you start owning your shit, that’s when you realize you have the power to change it.

Ready to own your shit and change your life?
Are you looking for some help along the way?
Someone who can help you create the life you want to be living? 
I can help.
Take that first step with me HERE.

Want more tips from me?

Your hair is singed from all the times you clipped your own wings just to make someone else happy. Your fingertips, blistered from all the times you forgot about your own needs and gave away what was meant to be yours. Even your voice has been touched by the flame, no longer strong, but shaking and raspy from all the times you wanted to say no, but said yes. You have set yourself on fire to keep others warm, but inside your soul is shivering. Your soul shivers with all the coldness of being forgotten, untouched, and unloved by you.

It’s such an easy thing to get caught up in. You give too much to others, and you are the one left standing out in the cold. You get your value from how much you give to others, rather than by how much you give to yourself. You give too much at the expense of yourself. You do this because you are afraid to look inward, to make the jump, to do what you should to create your own life.

Oh, you have promised yourself you will do it eventually. When the kids are older, when you have more time, when you are retired. When others don’t need you. You have promised and promised, and now you are holding the final match. Dear one, your soul can’t take it any longer. It’s begging you and pleading with you. Your body has been dissolved by the fire. Must you burn your soul, too?

 photo credit: Hombre en llamas via photopin (license)

They taught you that your feelings and your needs were unimportant, and so you abandoned yourself. It’s no wonder you don’t feel like it’s safe to be with yourself. You are afraid to acknowledge what you want out of life, what your needs are.

It’s time to change that. Take that last match, strike it, and shine the light on the dusty cobwebs of your heart. It’s time to find a need of your own each day and to honor it. Each day do something just for you. Don’t let anything or anyone stand in the way. Allow healing for yourself. Start listening to what your soul is craving. And do that. Get to know yourself. Listen to your complaints, your fears, and your sadness and honor that, too. Become your own friend. Take that lost self gently by the hand and take it out to play. Let your self trust you again so your true self will emerge from the shadows, and then next?

Watch as you set the whole world on fire. The fireworks will be worth it all, I promise.

I also want to offer a free 15-minute Skype session (1 per person) to anyone who wants help figuring out what their own needs are and how to honor them. Email me at [email protected]  for your free session today. 

Recommended Reading:

Self-esteem is something we all struggle with. We all have false beliefs about ourselves, and that’s just what they are-FALSE. So, why is it so hard to feel self-esteem? Why are so many people trying to work on it? The problem is that the entire concept of self-esteem is wrong.

Self-esteem is the idea that you should measure yourself against society’s measuring stick. Our entertainment industries, our teachers, families, and culture have given us impossible standards they expect us to meet. We start measuring ourselves by the expectations of others, and we lose the true essence of who we are.

The video below shows an interview in which adults and kids were asked what they would change about themselves. The adults all felt like they had flaws. The flaws they perceived were all things they felt made them different from “everyone else.” But, the kids actually wanted to be unusual. They wanted things like a mermaid’s tail or a shark’s mouth.

The children in this video haven’t yet had other’s project their standards on them. They don’t have self-esteem. What they have is self-belief. They get their value from simply believing in themselves. They believe that the world is theirs, and there’s nothing that needs changing about themselves. It’s a precious thing that we allow the concept of self-esteem strip away from us.

We do the same thing with our dreams. We water them down to fit into what society wants us to do. We don’t even stop to think if the things we automatically do are the things our soul is really calling us to do.

Break Up With Self-Esteem

We need to dump self-esteem and invite in self-belief. Have faith in yourself. Know that you are enough. You are enough because you are. Say it, “I AM.” Self-esteem is based on how you think and feel about yourself (thoughts and feelings are often flawed), but self-belief is based on acceptance of yourself. Self esteem is based on how we compare to others, but self-belief is following the call of our deepest heart. Self-esteem is based on judgement. Allow your entire gritty, daring, reckless true self to emerge. She has secrets to tell you, but your mind has been jabbering too loudly for you to hear.

Self-belief is based on unconditional love and limitless possibilities. We all search for someone who will give us unconditional love, who will accept us just as we are. Don’t you think it’s time to do that for yourself? You my darling, are so very worthy. Now, get out there and show the world, swishing your mermaid tail boldly along the way.

Featured photo credit: theglobalpanorama via photopin cc

“You can be the most beautiful person in the world and everybody sees light and rainbows when they look at you, but if you yourself don’t know it, all of that doesn’t even matter. Every second that you spend on doubting your worth, every moment that you use to criticize yourself; is a second of your life wasted, is a moment of your life thrown away. It’s not like you have forever, so don’t waste any of your seconds, don’t throw even one of your moments away.”
― C. JoyBell C.

Beginning a journey to self-love will be the most important journey in your life. Loving yourself, learning that you are worthy, and accepting yourself will affect every other aspect of your life.

Loving yourself is a lot like loving a partner. It’s not a one-time event. It requires constant commitment to yourself, consciousness of your thoughts, and a moment-by-moment surrender to seeing your own light, being in your own power, and embracing your shadow side with love and acceptance.

So, how can we do this? Just like we have rituals to show our significant others that we care about them, I believe it’s just as important to create rituals of self-love for ourselves. When you show actions of love toward yourself, you will soon change your thoughts. Here are my recommended rituals that will bring you closer to showing love for yourself each day.

8 Self-Love Rituals To Change Your Life

1.  Start Each Day By Loving You

What do you do when you first wake up? Do you rush to get online and check to see what everyone else is doing?   Do you immediately start attending to everyone else’s needs? What if you chose to start tomorrow morning differently? Take 5 minutes to visualize yourself breathing in love for yourself. Breathe out any feelings of unworthiness. Surround yourself in sparkling light and smile at the being of light that you are. If you want to go deeper, spend 15 minutes meditating on the things you are grateful for in yourself and in your life.

2.  Give Yourself A Massage

Sure, it’s easy to book a massage with a therapist, but when was the last time you gave yourself a massage? This isn’t something to do half-heartedly. Take the time to really feel your glorious body and use slow strokes on your skin. Slather on your favorite massage oil or body butter. (My favorite is Trader Joe’s Coconut Body Butter.)  Give special attention to the parts of your body you have criticized. Thank your body and send it love as you give yourself this massage.

3.  Clear Out The Clutter

Just like meditation unclutters the mind, getting rid of the physical items you no longer need can also help with clearing the thoughts toward yourself. Did you know that the items you own also carry an energy vibration? We often don’t realize that we are surrounded by items that carry negative vibrations from difficult times in our lives.  Sometimes it’s most self-loving to get rid of items. If there are items like pieces of jewelry that you don’t want to part with, use salt or essential oils to clear negative energy from your items.

4.  Buy A Self-Love Ring Or Bracelet

Buy yourself a piece of self-love jewelry to remind yourself to have loving thoughts toward yourself. If you catch yourself having negative thoughts about yourself, move the piece of jewelry to your other wrist or finger. This will get so annoying after a while, that you will catch yourself immediately when you start to have those defeating thoughts. When you catch yourself having these thoughts, immediately follow up with a positive affirmation about yourself such as, “I deserve all that is good. I am worthy”

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5.  Nourish Your Body With A Healthy Treat

Appreciating our bodies with the food we eat is a wonderful way to show ourselves self-love. I like to make nutritious afternoon smoothies to give myself energy for the rest of the day. One of my favorites is Julie Morris’ Mint Chip Green Superfood Smoothie. As part of my afternoon smoothie ritual, I use the time to visualize and manifest the things I want to see occur in my life.

6.  Move Your Body

Moving your body is one of the greatest ways to show appreciation for it. My favorite ways are through dance or hiking. But there are so many ways you can make movement a part of your daily life from walks in the park, yoga, tai chi, pilates, and swimming. If you are having trouble fitting exercise into your schedule, insist that your friends meet your for a hike rather than the usual cocktails or coffee.

7.  Try Something New (Especially If You Don’t Think You Will Be Any Good At It)

A lot of times we avoid new activities because we don’t think we will be good at them. So what?! Pick your activities because they bring you joy. I once talked a bunch of friends into trying curling even though none of us had ever heard of it before. I was the absolute worst at it and pretty much lost the game for our team, but I never laughed so hard in my life.  That alone was worth it.

You may be the worst dancer in the class or always be a beginner when it comes to yoga, but learning to accept yourself even though you aren’t good at something is a great way to practice self-love. Realize that you don’t have to do things perfectly to enjoy them and learn to laugh at yourself in the process!

8.  Marry Yourself

Yes, that’s right. Marry yourself. You are stuck with lucky to be with yourself for the rest of your life, so you may as well make a celebration out of it. I first read about this concept in Rob Brezsny’s blissful book, Pronoia Is the Antidote for Paranoia, and it changed my entire relationship with myself. 

I later stumbled upon a camp at Burning Man right at the minute where a group ceremony to marry yourself was beginning complete with wedding music, rings, and wedding veils. I joined in, and we used Rob’s vows for the ceremony. It was a reminder to continue to say these vows to myself on a regular basis. This is the most important ritual I have ever done to remind myself to practice self-love. 

In the words of Rob Brezsny:

I pledge to wake myself up, never hold back, have nothing to lose, go all the way, kiss the stormy sky, be the hero of my own story, ask for everything I need and give everything I have, take myself to the river when it’s time to go to the river, and take myself to the mountaintop when it’s time to go to the mountaintop.

You may kiss yourself on your own lips.

Featured Photo Credit: Juliana Coutinho via Compfight cc

I give Skype Coaching sessions to help people who are struggling with self-love. Loving one’s self first causes everything else to flow in life. Email me at [email protected] for more details.